Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, E/everyone, and a Happy Winter Solstice to A/all of my Pagan friends.

i had a long night again, and i just keep thinking about holidays of the past. Thinking of what i was doing, where i have been, W/who i was with, and it all depresses me badly. i hate the holidays...especially christmas, thanksgiving, and new year's.

In my desk right now sit two champagne flutes that Matthew and i bought last year. Suprisingly they are not broken yet. They were bought before christmas with a big bottle of Asti. It was a set. W/we bought the champagne just because of the glasses. my dad bought a bottle of Balletore for New Years that was so much better than the Asti. Asti is really dry, and the Balletore has a sweeter taste. Now, i don't drink much, and i have had one drink since last March, but champagne for christmas and new years was a thing that Matthew and i did. It was a time for cuddling, kisses, nuzzling, giggling as bubbles tickled the nose, bonding, and having fun Together.

i cannot tell A/anyone the wonderful feeling is of waking Someone up, looking at their beautiful sleeping face, kissing it, and saying, "Merry Christmas, my Master," and then with a goodmorning kiss, and cuddling for a good 15-20 minutes just cuddling and groping and running of the hands down E/eachother's body while so madly, wildly, infatuated with E/eachother...it is heaven on earth... especially knowing that Y/you have made it another year Together... a dreamer's dream, i guess. W/who would have guessed it would later turn into a nightmare?

All A/anyone can do, is try to get over T/their past, but the past is never an easy thing to overcome. P/people have hard pressed memories into T/their brains. Feelings of love, wanting so badly again those memories and good times of the past, knowing they will never become a reality again... is a living hell. All i can do is pray for every holiday to be better than the last, but christmas....and new years....will never be the same.

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light.

From now on,

Our troubles will be out of sight.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on,

Our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us,

Gather near to us once more.

Through the years,

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow.

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself A merry little Christmas now"

~.*Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas! The heart warming Christmas song Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas was immortalised by Judy Garland when she sang this song to Margaret O'Brien and brought tears to the eyes of the audience. The lyricist for Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas was Ralph Blane and the haunting music was composed by Hugh MartinThe song Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas was first published in 1943. The title of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas is undoubtedly one of the saddest Christmas songs of the century.*.~