Ding Dong The Whore's Gone!!

Today blew right by. i woke up and talked to Daddy briefly.. before i had to get in the shower for work.

i went to get around for work, and looked in the mirror... and decided it was time to re-dye my hair again... so it was decided i was going to walmart after work to pick up a box of hair dye.

So, off to work i went, and i thought i was going to have a bad day working with the whore as usual... well i got in the back room after i clocked in, and discovered the kinky girl. i asked what's up and she said nada.. and i said i thought i was working with the whore? Then she said oh!! she quit on Tuesday, didn't anyone tell you? SO!!! then i was so freaking ecstatic that i jumped up and down and said, "THE WHORE IS GONE THE WHORE IS GONE!! AMIGOD SHE'S GONE!!!"

i thought she was bsing me for a while.. and i found out she actually did quit! That soooo made my life easier. It not only made my day, but it made like the rest of my life. i couldn't STAND her.

We had a good night up until about 8:30 when a fuel price got called in to us. Now, we start counting cigarettes for shift change around 8:45-9. So, here i am dealing with a overflowed toilet in the ladies' room that some stupid whore flushed atleast 3-4 times, flooding the entire bathroom, and the other girl comes knocking in and says you won't believe this... we just got a fuel price change...

my reply was.. are you shitting me? You've GOT to be shitting me...so i hurried up and finished the ladies' room, washed my hands, then ran to the register and changed the price there first, said screw it we'll finish the rest when we can.... ate my chinese food that the other girl's boyfriend got for us, she ran outside to change one sign.. and one of the plastic numbers on the sign came down and hit her in the head.. so she came running in and said, "you need to do an incident report for me" and i'm like.. what happened now..

if she hadn't been wearing a baseball cap, her head would have been split open. A number came crashing down and broke on her head. She had a huge bump on her head... so i got the paperwork and showed her how to fill it out, then made sure she was ok.

i ran out, changed the other sign, then ran back inside and cleaned the shower, then counted cigarettes. before we knew it, we were out of there.

i went to wallymart after work, and picked up a couple things to sell on my auctions, then got some milk and cereal...cause i like my milk and cereal... then went searching for a box of hair dye. The one i wanted they didn't have anymore, so i settled for a herbal essences new hair dye. i like it so far.. it's a dark burgundy red auburn. Right now it's so dark it's almost black...and i love it....so soft too!

Welp... then i got home.. did the hair thing.. and talked to a Switch for a while. We think we met at one of the Detroit events before, but we're not sure. We've been plotting a meet for a little while now, and intend on finally doing so tomorrow night after work. i can't wait!

Okeries.. i got my atarax in me, and a movie in the puter.. i love having a DVD player on my computer.. is one of the few good things my ex ever did for me... sooo i'm listening to and watching "The Craft".. i love that movie!.. there's this one chicky in it who wears nothing but goth attire and PVC.. oh and collars too... she's one scary girl..and i'd so do her!

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"Once in his life, every Man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."

~Lucille Ball~

Pondering... Love?

Over the course of the day, i've stopped to wonder..what exactly is love?

Is love just a feeling...deep down in the pit of your stomach? what if you start to really feel you're falling for someone?.. is that love or is it just lust?

i don't know exactly what this love creature is.. but why the heck do i seek it out so hungrily?

i've been playing with a sadistic Daddy on the phone for a few days now.. we used to know eachother back when yahoo had the old user rooms... and we never knew it...

i enjoy our little play time on the phone.. but i need something more..Someone i can touch...Someone who i can be with within a few hours... He lives in Kentucky... and there's no possibility of me being able to meet Him any time soon.

...it's hard when you're alone... you're miserable... lonely....lacking a companion.. a sense of knowing someone cares for you... someone wants to control you...someone...who would have your best interests in mind... someone i could trust my life with...

i'd be stupid to fall for someone so quickly.. but i guess it's just... that craving to be controled.. to feel wanted... or needed... to be felt i'm useful to someone in some way.. is a big lift off my shoulders...

i just want to find that one ...special person... one i can fall in love with and happily serve.. i want to hurt.. i want to feel love.. and joy.. all the good things that a person feels when they're in a genuine relationship. Why is it so hard? Why does it take me forever to even find someone i would even consider playing with?

Why can't i find love.. happiness... my place...

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"There's something about you...

You're closed..tight.. a wall...

'I know'

...Do you ever loosen up?

'I don't know...'"

~Secretary (2002)~

Allergies Suck :(

Well yesterday, i found out i was allergic to mold, weeds, grass, and slightly allergic to late fall pollen. i came home... and i was up for a few minutes then passed out.. i was so exhausted... i've got little numbers all over my back and arm.. and i look like a crackhead with needle tracks up and down my arm.

The nurse said i was a really good patient.. and i was like..well yeah i don't like to complain.. i just take it.. no use in complaning anyways.. still gotta' do the test like it or not... though i wasn't going to tell her i've had needles up and down my arms in a kink sense lol. she did, however, have a lil issue trying to get the needles in my skin like my ex had issues doing... i guess i just have tough arms..hehe.



anyways.. so i got home.. and after that short period.. i was so tired all of a sudden.. i had no energy.. so i passed out asleep and didn't wake up til almost 2 am for a few minutes then went and got me something to eat from the kitchen and passed back out.

The doctor gave me atarax, and a nose spray.. and told me the atarax would make me sleepy cause it's like a super high powered benedryl..and will knock my butt out.. so i just took it a few minutes ago.. hopefully i make it thru the blog.. lol

Today wasn't bad.. cept i woke up with a migraine.. sucked down about three vaults and i was ok.. however i didn't end up waking up til about 3:30. i got to sit here and talk with a friend off and on on the phone.. and online.. it was nice. When i found time for myself today, i was feeling a lil up to play, so i decided to play with my butt a lil again.. with my finger and a sharpie marker..lol...

i got to talk to Daddy a little.. and i liked that... i miss talking with Daddy off and on.. but it's ok because i know Daddy's schedule is different than mine, and Daddy is getting ready for big vacation.

my father got sent to the hospital today, because he had an allergic reaction. we don't know now if it was the cleaning chemicals that were used on my grandmother's carpet, or the dusty weedy grass on the lawn mower on the tractor, but whatever it was almost stopped him from breathing. They made him sit in the ER for 4 1/2 hours before he was even in triage.. which pisses me off. my father is a diabetic and he had nothing to eat today before he went.. they never even checked his blood sugar there KNOWING he's a diabetic. What the heck are those jerks trying to do.. get a law suit on them?

i don't know.. but it sounds like they left themself wide open. if my father would have went into a diabetic coma.. it would have been their asses.

Well.. i'm going to start closing things down now.. i'm starting to feel a little dizzy which means the atarax is kicking in.

Goodnight Everyone!

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

“I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.”

~James Thurber~

And the Work Week Ends!

YAY! Today was the last day i had to work for the next three days. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

i woke up late, and ended up staying on my puter up to a few mins before i had to leave for work this morning. it's a good thing i had a shower the night before, and didn't need one this morning..lol.

Work wasn't too bad today, but it was dead most of the day. i got to work with someone i don't normally work with, so that made me happy. He usually works third shift, and he's used to working his butt off, so that's all good with me. i hate lazy co-workers.

i ended up playing IT again at work today.. trying to fix our computer with the knuckleheads at the home office. They were trying to get a program running on the net, and i finally said look.. the net connection is obviously messed up.. you did it.. and i'ts not going to work. Come.. fix.. it, and let me get back to work.. after i've spent the last hour on the phone with you people because the assistant manager had to go home finally..and thanks to you, i have to do first shift's work too. ...i wasn't too happy with those jerks.

Sooo after works, i went to wallymart.. and picked me up some hot pockets.. yummy..i luff those things.. corned beef hash, eggs, milk, and bread. i want some hash 'n eggs for breaky in the morning..with some toast an milk. i'm craving it for some reason.. bah. i have the big allergist appointment tomorrow too.. i'm really kind of nervous about it, because i been dealing with this all my life... and i'm skeered to know what i might be allergic to. i've never had insurance that would let me get any kind of allergy testing until now..which is kind of nice.

Oddly enough, i've been in a pretty good mood the last couple days. i'm suprised! i haven't really talked to any boys or Masters or anything.. i've had a few boys try to talk to me but i'm just not interested...sighs.. i really just want to find someone to be happy with, enjoy good conversation, good food, good times, good scenes, and have a healthy relationship with. i miss being close to a person.. and deep inside, i'm a very lonely person. i just have this aching need to find someone to make them happy...to serve again... *sighs.* and then there's the other deep ache to be broken..completely.. broken.. a pile of goo sobbing uncontrolably at a Master's Feet.. then maybe i can start to finally heal and find what i once was once again...

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"The Goreans claim that in each woman there is a free companion, proud and beautiful, worthy and noble, and in each, too, a slave girl. The companion seeks for her companion; the slave girl for her master. It is further said, that on the couch, the Gorean girl, whether slave or free, who has had the experience, who has tried all loves, begs for a master. She wishes to belong completely to a man, withholding nothing, permitted to withhold nothing. And, of course, of all women, only a slave girl can truly belong to a man, only a slave girl can be truly his, in all ways, utterly, totally, completely, his, selflessly, at his mercy, his ecstatic slave, helpless and joyous in the total submission which she is given no choice but to yield."

~John Norman - Hunters of Gor. p. 102~

Homework!

Well today sucked big giant donkey balls.

i had to go to works...and then i had to work with the supid whore. she really really annoyed me today. It was so bad i wanted Daddy to tie her up, throw her in the cooler and ya know.. leave her there for a while. she was even annoying the cleanup person who was there for 4 hours!.. and i begged him to stay an work for me -_-.

Then the first shift girl did a big nono and messed up the cigarette sheets so bad that i said screw it, took the paper and the other one home for our shift sheets.. however i didn't realize that i'd be working on them til this early in the morning! i just got done with them, and it's almost 6 am.. ugh

i really been ready to go to bed since about 1:30 now.. but i forgot i had to do the sheets, and lo and behold it took me forever to do them..

oh well.. if it makes my job easier in the longrun.. i guess it's for the best, right?

aight.. i'm going to bed now.. so now for a quote!

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"The same people who never did their homework in high school are still doing that to this very day out in the real world."

~ Jules Shear~

Energy!

Well today was a good day.. however yesterday wasn't.. i ended up with a huge migraine yesterday and had to work all day with it....then i came home and it got worse... i ended up in and out of the tub all night long.

So i was talking to a few of my friends lastnight online and they say try this an that.. and then a couple offered to do healing on me and i'm like...well..you could try.. and i think they did try cause i woke up with so much energy in a hyper bratty mood.

Then i had to go to work..and i hated it..because i had to work with the woman i absolutely HATE... and i have to deal with her again tomorrow -_-.

i ate really good today... lots of foods that i really shouldn't have ate like an ice cream bar.. and chips an cheese.. burger king.. i splurged and got this huge bbq chicken sammich and onion rings and a purpa icee.. i liked the purpa icee.. it tasted kina like a sweet tart..

..but i wanted that dern ice cream bar.. i had a craving.. oh and i had choccy tonight when i got home.. mmm choccy.. yum yum yum for the choccy!

... well.. what else happened.. i don't know.. i've been sitting here for far too long chatting with some people about the lifestyle.. i kind of got lost in that.. talking to a newbie trying to finger out how to break it to the girl he wants to screw that he's kinky..oi... hey atleast he didn't run away..contrary to our beliefs.

...i tried on my new pvc bra today..it fits great.. but the corset i need help with. i can't get it on myself...le sigh.. i tried..and i tried and i tried.

Well i going to bed now.. far later than what i should be but oh well!

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man."

~Miranda Ingram~

There's Something About Being a Girl...

Well today was pretty cool. i got to talk to a few new people, and then got to thinking...

i received two packages in the mail today.. my new Demonia boots and what was supposed to be a pair of panties and a pair of stockings. The panties were free.. because the girl couldn't find a home for them.. they're cute.. a red lacey gstring. lucky me she also threw in a bunch more of stockings and tights and whatnot.. i like her now!

Of course, i had to model the new panties and stockings and boots, so two choice boys and a Master got to see me in them today. After i grew tired of the boys, i got in my little school girl outfit and my boots.. down to the white cotton panties. After dealing with the boys for a while, i needed a change.. a release. i can't be Dominant all the time.. it just won't happen. Sometime it has to cave. When i submit.. it's a big load off my shoulders. i don't want to make the decisions anymore. i need to be controlled... put in my place..i need to know that i'm not 100% Dominant. i can't handle that.

Daddy got online, and i had to say hey Daddy... lookie what i'm wearing.. but i somehow know Daddy had a hard day ..or a bad day.. or wasn't feeling well today.. i sensed it..i don't know how or why.. but i did... then i thought Daddy was somehow mad at me.. and i don't want that..sighs..

Taking time out to just relax, be me, cuddle up with a stuffed animal or two and just be a little girl without a care in the world felt so good...i needed it today. It's such a relief.. a release.. and i wish i could just find someone to keep me in that mindset all the time..i'm so tired of having to make all the decisions myself. i don't like it... i want a release... i want happiness.. i want my Master.. my Daddy... my best friend... i just wish it was that easy to find Him.. *sighs.*

i talked with an old friend today... He told me He loves me..and wanted to Own me for a long time... but i just don't know... sighs. i don't know if He's my type... but i did introduce Him to Daddy/daughter for the first time and He liked it... who knows... but what worries me is He's a couple states away... and if i got too attached like i've been known to do, it would get really hard.

The brick wall is still up and going strong.. and i'm not about to drop it down yet. i've been hurt too many times.. and still have issues about letting the past go. The past is a cruel Master... it hurts, it remembers... and it's the most punishing thing i know of. It's unforgiving.

..while i have a deep down desire to serve, to love, to be loved in return, and no matter how much it kills me not to have Someone to do that with... i'm not desperate, and i will wait.. no matter how much it hurts...*sighs.*

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

"Little girls are precious gifts wrapped in love serene.
Their dresses tied with sashes and futures tied with dreams."

~Gay Talbot-Boasay~

Work Sucks.. and then You Die.

Well i got called in to work today..that sucked. They tried to call me in at 9:30 am, when i just went to bed at 8:30. i told them i'd be worthless if i even TRIED to come in... then at 2:45, i got a call from my boss... "Cindy, I need you to come in.. we have an emergency. one of the co workers' son had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital, and she's sick on top of it. Not only that, but I had to fire someone today..."

So here i'm thinking.. oh joy.. and said what the heck.. i'll go in.. it's all overtime for me today anyways. i went in to work and i got to work with one of my favorite co workers, so it was ok. she's kinky too and i think she's a Switch.

Well after a while. the phone rings, and it's one of our old co-workers sobbing wanting to talk to the other girl.. her husband kicked her out of her house with no money, and just the clothes on her back.. no cigarettes.. nothing. So, the girl was on her way to my work to visit the co worker. my co worker had just spent all her money on her boyfriend's birthday, and i had a $20 bill in my wallet... which is rare, because usually i just carry my debit card anymore. i looked at my co worker.. and said ring up a pack of her cigarettes and give her the change. So she did, and a few minutes later, my former co-worker came around crying.. and i gave her a big hug and told her it'll be ok..while she cried on my shoulder.

i'm a firm believer that no matter how much you're hurting, or in debt, there's always someone out there who's worse off than you are, and i believe very much in karma. When i've needed help the most in life, someone's always been there for me, and i try to pay it forward. People come in to my work all the time and say.. "can i talk to your manager?" and i always say...well why.. is there something i can do to help you? and they'd say.. "well i ran out of gas, and i'm on my way to the Doctor, or i'm on my way to Saginaw..." i just say.. here's $5.. pump your gas.. good luck. Then there's kids who are a few cents short of a soda, or candy.. something like that and i always pitch in..even if it makes my drawer a few cents short.. because as long as i have most of the money, i really don't care about a few cents here or there. We're allowed to be $3 over or short without having to worry.. so i don't worry!

All in all, it was a good karma day atleast. All i was doing today was cleaning my room anyways. Ooh i just realized my grandmother is away tonight, so i can burn my inscense without worrying. my grandmother has scent-sensitive asthma, so i have to be very careful about what i burn around her. Maybe i'll setup a charcoal tonight and burn some Dragon's Blood resin and sage to clear out the negative energy in my room. i did a water bath spell lastnight with salt and a candle and flowers mixed in with the salt.. i felt really good afterwards.

i did a tarot reading this morning too.. well it was my last night..lol.. i tried out my new vampyre deck.. and i love it. The cards said that i'd be starting a new relationship soon, now is a great time to start a new one, and it will be successful. i can't wait... really i can't.. i'm so tired of being alone *sighs.*

i did a reading for two or three other people too.. to make sure everything's okay in their lives... and i had to warn one who i know has been having trouble w/ her illnesses and job.

Well, i think this is long enough for tonight.. now for a quote!

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~~Quote of the Day:~~

" `You responded well to the taking,' I said. `Perhaps it is fitting for you.'

`You do not respect me,' she said.

`You do not want to be respected,' I said.

`You want to be cherished, treasured, handled, abused, mastered, owned, subdued, forced to serve and love.'

She was silent."

~John Norman - Renegades of Gor. p. 105~

Geesh... It's Been Too Long...

Well.. what can i say..

i gave that ex of mine a chance, and He blew it. He did the same thing He did the other two times... left me for another girl. i was stupid..yes i know this.

Let this be a warning to all of you.. don't... give your exs...another chance. It won't work out no matter how hard you try.

Though during all of this, i realized that not only am i a masochist, but i'm a sadomasochist, and i'm now Switching again.

i've found a few boys to play with, but i'm still not happy. i long for that one Master to Own me.. to complete me... and it sucks.. majorly. i hate it.

*sighs* what's a girl to do? i don't know.. but all i know is i'm tired of being alone, lonely, incomplete, and lost out in the dark with nobody to serve. It hurts.

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~Quote of the Day~

"Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna runaway?

Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more?

Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

You feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life"

~Simple Plan - "Welcome To My Life"~