Aah... Content... For Now

Well i spent a whole night and most of the day with my Ex and needless to say, it was fun... lol.

We had a good time cuddling and snuggling, talking, spending time together, and if ya throw in a few extra curricular activities, lol... it was a great time together.

i cannot explain to you how it feels to serve Someone again after not serving Anyone for such a long time. Just feeling wanted and needed by Someone is the best feeling in the world. The simple things that people take for granted every day... like getting Someone a glass of water.. or lighting a cigarette... holding a door open... the simplest things can be overly joyous to someone who has been alone with no One to serve in such a long time.

The energy is amazing. Just sitting there cuddling on the couch with Him, i could feel the strong energy exchanging between us. To look into Someone... and see their soul... is strange, yet comforting, because i feel like i know Him from another life. There's just something about the person i see in His soul that comforts me. i cannot explain it.

He was driving me home this afternoon, and the sky was beautiful... not a cloud in it, and all of a sudden i felt this calm of night come over me. i looked to the sky, and all of a sudden i see the night sky with stars and everything. i don't know what that was about.. but i think i may be losing it...lol.

i'm just so content right now that i'm glowing with energy. i cannot explain how wonderful it was to even just sleep beside someone and have someone to cuddle after having no one for such a long time. Pooh bear, stitch, and big giant fish can only offer so much comfort...and take up bed space, but an actual warm person there...with a heartbeat... made me sleep like a baby. Just having Someone to cuddle up to and wrap my arm around and jsut snuggle in... was the best feeling in the world.

It's one of those times that makes you think... "what if..." He's been there for me for 2 ex's.. and i've been there for 4 of His, and we have an understanding. It's like we understand what we're going thru before eachother asks. The energy is there, the feelings are probably buried deep inside of the both of us.. but i don't think it's enough to see us thru to start another relationship. i don't think i could let it get that far again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~Quote of the Day:~~

"I wanted You to know,

I love the way You laugh.

I wanna' hold You high and steal Your pain... away.

I keep Your photograph,

I know it serves me well.

I wanna' hold You high and steal Your pain.

'Cause I'm broken,

When I'm open,

And I don't feel like I am strong enough.

'Cause I'm broken,

When I'm lonesome,

And I don't feel right when You're gone away."

~Seether - Broken~

Pondering .. Ex's

What do you do when an ex basically comes to you and says i want you back... under a lot of other text to the point of saying "You're on the list of girls i'm considering"...

geesh.. He didn't even ask me if i wanted Him back.. He's assuming. i mean.. we've always been good friends for the last couple years.. with benefits of ass beatings and such off 'n on.. but.. i don't know if i'm ready to be in a relationship with Him again. there's reasons ex's are ex's. Yeah the sex was good...yeah He's got a huge cock... yeah He gives GREAT ass beatings.. mmhmm boy does He... but... gahhhhhhh...

i made an ad for Him for the station..and it's awesome.. i'm really proud of it. it advertises His toy sale and Fetish Odyssey in Detroit. cheap cheap stuff.. lowest prices ever on all of His things.. if only i had money and could be there :(.

i'm left questioning a lot of things.. oh boy am i. Do i try for it.. or do i continue my search...

*sighs*

only time will tell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~Quote of the Day:~~

"Pain,

Without love,

Pain,

i can't get enough,

Pain,

i like it rough,

Cause i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all..."

~3 Days Grace - Pain~

Returning to Blog

Well, after a long vacation, i kind of felt the knack to write again. i think it will do wonders for me. Right now, i have no way to vent and express my feelings, so what better way to do it than to blog?

i'm single. i've been single since February. It's now August 1st; it's time to move on. i ended my last relationship after 11 months. We had a breakup over a stupid keyboard...if you can believe that. There were some other things going on...but i'm not going to say that here...let's just say it ended pretty badly.

Right now i'm talking with many people, but i'm having trouble getting a date real life. i set up dates with people from websites or people i meet at work, and they always end up standing me up. i think since Feb, i've had maybe three people show up out of i don't even know how many who said they'd be here to pick me up. It sucks majorly, and sometimes i ask myself...why do i even try?

The answer is simple. i seek happiness. i seek love. i seek a companion..one whom i might spend the rest of my life with. Of course i seek someone who would just as quick throw me over a table or knee and just start spanking away ...lol.. but that's beside the point.

There's also the obsticle of breaking thru the brick wall that's very secure over my heart. i'm so tired of getting hurt i'm almost afraid to let someone else in my life because i'm afraid it will only end up worse than the past relationships. Every relationship i've ever had has ended in emotional, mental, and financial abuse. This last one ended in physical abuse. Who's to say that the next one won't try to kill me or hurt me really bad...

*sighs*

Well, in keeping with my tradition... now to find a quote i like..hmmm.. which one will it be...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~Quote of the Day:~~

"Goreans care for their world.

They love the sky, the plains, the sea, the rain in the summer, the snow in the winter.

They will sometimes stand and watch clouds.

The movement of grass in the wind is very beautiful to them.

More than one Gorean poet has sung of the leaf of a Tur tree.

I have known warriors who cared for the beauty of small flowers. "

~Hunters of Gor, p. 119~